Everything in This 2013 Stock-Market-Prediction Article Will Come True

You'll see a ton of these 2013-prediction articles. Like me, you'll read every one. Like me, you'll hate every one. In fact, I hate myself for even writing this.

Even though I want my 2013 prediction article to stand out, I will use the exact same format everybody else uses: Alternate between funny, serious and outlandish predictions, designed to confuse the reader so that, come the end of 2013, when you reference this list, I can pass off false predictions as parody and claim logic for the crazy one or two that hit.

Netflix (NFLX) :

Reed Hastings certainly does not learn from history.

Incredibly, the smoke and mirrors are back at Netflix, baby! I'm sort of happy. The return of an overconfident and delusional Hastings makes my job a heck of a lot more fun.

I want a hit or two of the stuff Netflix imports from Santa Cruz and passes off to people who uncritically believe the hype.

Watch the Netflix PR machine spin: Oscar award-winning producer thinks Netflix is the greatest investment in the world! And Netflix vows not to raise prices although it got fleeced by Disney (DIS) .

I know I predicted this in 2011 for 2012 and it hasn't happened yet, but it will happen this year. In fact, it pretty much has to: Netflix will raise cash ... again. There will be no choice, as I explain in that story.

Expect Hastings to sell the company's DVD division and/or go to Wall Street for cash as he did at the end of 2011. I'll give you 10-1 odds on a flip-flop and higher prices for Netflix subs. Long shots -- Netflix introduces new pricing schemes outside of the standard all-you-can-eat plan or opens its platform up to advertisers.

2013 Media-Related Prediction: