How to Avoid Holiday Budget Fights With Your Lover
Thankfully, couples who follow the following five rules for holiday spending should ring in the New Year without financial or relationship woes.
"The very first step in any of this is to set up a mechanism for dialogue," says Ken Kamen, president of Mercadien Asset Management. "It's not just important at the holidays, but for all the things you buy throughout the course of the year -- are you going to buy his golf clubs or your shoes? It's a constant exchange."
When you set up a framework for talking about money, it shouldn't look too differently from the way many large companies do it, Kamen says, suggesting that couples make it a point to get together "once a quarter" to discuss goals.
"The more you communicate the better it's going to be," he says. "When it comes to matters of money, there can be a lot of resentment there about who spent what or who spent more throughout the course of the year, and keeping an open dialogue going is the best way to prevent that."
When you get together to discuss your financial picture, Suzanna de Baca, vice president of wealth strategies at Ameriprise Financial, says you should keep a record of what you and your spouse think at the time.
"Write down your plans," de Baca says. "As you work through your holiday budget, record your discussion. This can help you and your spouse come to a compromise and can also create a document for you to refer back to throughout the holiday weeks and can even be a point of reference when the 2014 holiday season comes around."
2. No surprises -- even if you think you're being thoughtful.
"This can be confusing for any relationship," Kamen says. "It's like we share everything, but wait, we don't share everything. As a couple, the two of you are an economic unit and the best gift you can give your partner is intimacy -- the intimacy of knowing what you're doing and how much you're spending."
Both partners need to be "engaged" with a complete picture of how much is being spent from the household budget, and unfortunately, surprises can lead to resentment, Kamen says.
Even if you're tempted to surprise your significant other with a lavish gift, de Baca says to keep long-term goals in mind.
"It can be easy to stray from your budget during the holiday season, but be sure that your holiday budget correlates with your overall monthly or annual budget," she says. "If you have extra spending money this year -- great! Pick out a special treat for someone on your list. If you have spent more over the course of the year than you intended, think about scaling back your gift list or holiday budget."
3. Plan what you're going to spend.
"When it comes to discussing money, it's always good to stick to the facts," says Donna Tonrey, a marriage and family therapist and director of the masters program in psychology at La Salle University in Philadelphia.
"In this case, the facts would be setting a budget, who they need to buy for and what they will spend on each other. If the couple can agree on the facts, they have a much better chance of sharing their feelings about those facts," she says.
Planning a holiday budget is not difficult, Kamen says. It's something everyone can do, so there aren't many valid excuses for not doing it.
"You know what you're able to spend," he says. "You know Christmas is coming, so sit down and decide as a couple what your budget will be."