RIM's Earnings: Get Ready for a Snoozefest This Time

NEW YORK (TheStreet) -- At the outset of every quarterly conference call, public companies cover their rears with a lengthy disclaimer. Here's part of the one lowly Research in Motion(RIMM) used on its fourth-quarter 2011 recap in March of last year:

Many factors could cause our actual results, performance or achievements to be materially different from those expressed or implied by our forward-looking statements, including ... difficulties in forecasting financial results, particularly over longer periods given the rapid technological changes, evolving industry standards, intense competition and short product life cycles that characterize our industry ... We base our forward-looking statements on information currently available to us, and we do not assume any obligation to update them except as required by law.

And then the best part:

I will now turn the call over to Jim.

Those were the good old days. Former RIM Co-CEO Jim Balsillie used to take over the call and do a horrific job of setting investor expectations. But it's all good because the Securities and Exchange Commission and Canadian Securities Administrators have our backs!

With RIM set to report earnings next week, let's take a few moments to roll through Balsillie's Greatest Hits over the last 16 months. (Cue the laugh track between each point.)

Q4 2011: Early indications based on traffic to our own and to our partners' websites since the availability announcement as well as preorder volumes indicate PlayBook will have a highly successful launch.

Q4 2011: We don't see the Q1 decline in sequential earnings per share as a beginning of a trend but rather as a period of transition. Based on the current product road map and supply chain outlook, the subject to the risks ... outlined at the beginning of the call, we currently expect to grow fully diluted earnings to over $7.50 per share in fiscal year 2012.

( RIM ended up reporting adjusted EPS of $4.40 for FY 2012.)

Q1 2012: While the PlayBook launch did not go as smoothly as we had planned ...