The Pragmatic Artist: Ask Noah
I've now been paying said dues for six years, while loyally continuing to submit my writing. Exhausted, overworked and underachieving in both areas, I can no longer do this dance. I find myself so depressed at the thought of abandoning my goals, but recognize how self-indulgent that sounds.
I like your practicality. How would you go about solving my conflict here?
A: It doesn't sound self-indulgent to feel sad and maybe even angry, over the possibility of no longer pursuing what you love.
You are being very pragmatic and this is a skill I feel artists often lack.
The need to support oneself financially through a "regular job" is simply the reality of trying to pursue a creative line of work and simultaneously being a responsible person.
It is important to recognize (as you have by your continuing to earn money in your father's business) that the creation of art doesn't exist in a vacuum.
As an artist pursues their creative endeavor, whether to make a career of it to sustain themselves or as a personal outlet, their pursuit must happen within the confines/parameters of the "real" world.
In your circumstances, I don't think having more time to write would mean greater success. Financial realities and the struggle involved in personal pursuits frequently work to fuel creativity, and without it we would all have less raw material to draw from.
You have reached a sound arrangement with your father, which speaks to his immense faith in you. He probably appreciates your inherent understanding and acknowledgement in the fact that we must all pay our dues, in one form or another.
What you need now is some honest reality testing! Being exhausted and overworked is often the price of admission for trying to achieve success in a very competitive creative profession.
Frankly, my chief suggestion for you would be in strengthening your threshold for emotional discomfort. Especially as you keep pursuing your non-traditional career.
However this topic begs a few more significant questions, which only you can answer...
A) Is this type of lifestyle worth the sacrifices you're making?
B) Do you need to achieve professional success as a writer to feel fulfilled?